I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
