Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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