margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
