fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
