I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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