don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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