My liver just broke up with me...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
