Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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