I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
