Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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