If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
