My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
