I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
