I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
