Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
