My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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