couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
