at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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