I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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