That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
