Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
