I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize