u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
