so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize