Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
