I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
