So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
