im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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