I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
