just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Who died my cat blue again?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
