Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
