I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
