i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
