YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
