dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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