Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
