I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
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