You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
