Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
