That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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