Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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