You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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