so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize