Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Little spoons don't ask big questions
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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