It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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