shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
