what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
