You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
