Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
