dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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