Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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