hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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