Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
