All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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