kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
vagina is talking i cant
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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