ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
