**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
