Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
