He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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