the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
