this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
