dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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