Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
farters have to be the big spoon...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
