Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
