Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
