I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
