I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
