im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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