literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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