its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
did you just send me my own nude
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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