So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
