Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
