So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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