Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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