If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
