Well douche your snatch and let's go!
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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