Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
