Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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