a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize