I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
