Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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