When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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