I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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