Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
