Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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