You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
