good thing vaginas are great cup holders
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
