What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
