Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
