So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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