i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
