OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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