Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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