I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize