so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i think i just lost a toe
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
