i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
