thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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