he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
