they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
