HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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