I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she peed on how many people?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
