question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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