apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The air was thick with penises
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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