Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
