Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
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