whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
