You just made me feel so damn special
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She told me I should be a condom model.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize