the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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