I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
