After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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