I will die if light touches me.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
