Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
