what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
